The Congressman Who Shall Not Be Named: Congressman Ex.

Late last year, WordPress via my local congressman forced me to make a crucial decision in my blogging life. I forked out the money to forego ads.

Why?

I was upset that my constituents, I mean readers, were inundated with ads that terrified them – with threats of terrorism if my Congressman did not win the upcoming election. Any vote against them was a vote for the terrorists.

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Evidently it worked. Because… well, they’re our congressman.

Again.

I think.

I don’t really remember.

I lost track the last few years. I know… I’m terrible.

Yes. I voted, but really? I live in a predominantly white, predominantly conservative, fundamentalist evangelical Christian state. Whatever. You’re lucky I bother voting at all…

Anyhow… Today I received a survey from Congressman Ex.

But, we are registered democrats?

What’s this? The last 8 digits are masked on the questionnaire? What other word has 8 digits?

Oh yeah… 33602728 – DEMOCRAT.

*ahem* Sorry… conspiracy theory neuron took over there… no dice.

Yes. I’m suspicious when my uber-conservative republican congressman sends us lowly democratic constituents a survey.

Especially if it is at taxpayer expense.

Do I answer it? If only the answers had not already been picked for me.


The questions are Real, my responses? Well, let’s just say this was a fun exercise:

  1. “Do you approve or disapprove of the job your Congressman is doing?”
    • I don’t know… how long have they been doing this? Nothing has changed really.
  2. “In your opinion, do you think the Affordable Care Act, also known as “Obamacare”, should be repealed?”
    • Umm… 33602728… guess.
  3. “Have your out-of-pocket health care costs, including insurance premiums, increased or decreased since the implementation of the Affordable Care Act in 2013.”
    • Um… wait, isn’t that 2 questions?
    • Um… previous question stated that the Affordable Care Act was also known as “Obamacare”. Are you trying to trick me?
    • Unsure? Okay. I suppose that is a fair option. I mean, who would admit to not knowing anyway? You could weed a few out of the stats that way.
  4. “Do you believe the federal government should invest more in transportation infrastructure spending?”
    • Um… really dude. That’s an issue right now? Are you planning on cutting the funding? Because up until now, I think we are doing pretty good updating those 1960’s era bridges.
  5. “Which of the following statements do you agree with regarding immigration reform and border security? Check all that apply.
    • Oh… whoops… the square check boxes meant we could only choose 1 until now? BRB.
    • Anyway… what the hell… unsure seems the safest option on all of these… TLDR.
  6. “Do you think the financial regulatory law known as “Dodd-Frank” should be repealed?”
    • BRB…googling…
    • Still figuring it out… be back.
  7. “Do you support expanding gun control measures?”
    • To do what exactly? I mean, pretty sure that AK’s are still okay against the deer.
  8. “Should Planned Parenthood receive federal funding?”
    • What the hell dude?
    • Why don’t we discuss Why parenthood should be a Planned Event? I mean, given the most perfect situations, yes, it still happens as a surprise… but really? Let’s transfer that anti-planned parenthood stance to physical things with Immediate repercussions, like… oh, I don’t know… interstate commerce via federally funded highways and inter-States?
    • Oh… but you want to take that money too? Hmm…
  9. “Which of the following statements best reflects your view regarding federal tax reform proposals?”
    • *zzzzzzz
    • *zzzz
    • *zzh? Oh! Um… sorry, fell asleep. Too bad that wasn’t a check box. I still get a refund… sort of… and it’s pretty effective to do the whole percentage of the paycheck thing… win-win. The only ones losing money at this point, is the government. So, maybe you should go after those 1 percent people that own 40 something percent of the wealth? Oh… but that was a democrat platform! Whoops.
  10. “Do you support the nuclear deal President Obama made with Iran?”
    • Hehe… now that’s a deal-breaker question there…
  11. “Which statement best describes your view of American foreign policy.”
    • Well, huh… had to be at least one valid question here… congrats. Just wish you had an answer I could comply with, because the truth is, both are true: “American leadership in the world provides safety and stability.” AND “International involvement causes more problems than it solves.” Especially when we get involved for predominantly financial reasons. And consider anything not self-preservation, self-defense, or profitable… well, then we seem to believe that we are ‘causing’ despots to oppress and enslave their people.
  12. “Which statement do you agree with more?”
    • “Government should do more to solve the problems and help meet the needs of the people.”
      • Shhh! Isn’t that what you are supposed to be doing already?
    • “Government is doing too many things that are better left to businesses and individuals.”
      • Huh? How did we go from the needs of the people to businesses and individuals? Is that allowed even….? I mean, I know that legally, the lobbyists have successfully secured the rights of the individual to the rights of the business or corporation, at the expense of the individual… so what are you asking really? Are you asking if I am a capitalist nazi? I don’t understand this question. And you are upsetting me…

Scrawls in additional check box marked “squirrel” and sends questionnaire off… via the fireplace. Then writes a 800 word blog that the congressman won’t read…

Best of luck Ex-Congressman in a few years.