First… A personal note regarding the Moody Monday post this week (now deleted until further notice): Humble apologies… it wasn’t done! I completely forgot about it until around 8 am! I started the habit of setting drafts to post in order to ‘force’ myself to work on them… *epic fail!* The moody Monday one was turning into moody Monday plus debate Tuesday! lol. …and, interesting caveat… the post pinged some mysterious peoples’ bots… with unknown search terms (or locations). Hmm… Hi guys and gal… move along, nothing to see here. 😉

Now, for Whatever Wednesday:

An awkward vessel… a new sort-of-true story

I have a blogging urge… um, tendency.

This tendency has a definite series of catalysts.

For the purpose of this blog, we’ll call it the talk-back tendency. Using a “three-strikes-you’re-out” rule, when the third strike happens? It’s time to switch out… my turn to hit.

See, it’s like this… It’s your usual, average, boring day. I’m reading a blog, a blog comment, or another one of those ads disguised as news stories.

There’s a bogus claim, false cause argument, or myopic opinion… or maybe just an ill-thought-out clichéd statement (or alternative fact) being proliferated via the internet ether.

Sometimes I respond by comment box…

Other times, I roll my eyes and click the tiny ‘X’ on the top right.

But… when the one, two, three-strikes-you’re-out happens? Or, heaven-forbid, I’m at risk of repeating myself…

I get itchy fingers… I want to type, type, type… and talk, talk, talk…

This particular talk-back is in response to the tribal internet opinion expressed in the following statements (paraphrased):

  • “…these blogger gurus, Shakespeare’s, with SO MUCH to say… are lifeless lumps in real life, lacking personality… (ad nauseam…)”
  • “…finally got to meet some bloggers in person… so disappointing… how can people with such fun, witty blogs be so boring?”

I know… that’s only two strikes. But, these are the second and third strikes…

The first one?

The (early, circa 2006) general assumption that blogging is a narcissistic tendency and bloggers are ultimately introverted attention-seekers who lack real people-skills.

Fellow bloggers, unite with me in disgust and anger.

What a load of crap-ola.

Here’s the problem…

First, and foremost, BLOGGING IS NOT A FORM OF JOURNALISM… unless you want to include them in the editorial opinion section.

Beyond the trend of trying to turn bloggers into journalists… *ack! Cough!*

The aforementioned statements lack a certain forethought, a lack of insight (personal and interpersonal), and generally tell me more about the speaker than their scorned targets. In most cases, hopefully, it’s only a verbal regurgitation or maybe just a cathartic complaint. I know at least one of my targets were well-meaning… I mean, language is messy… we all slip up now and again.

Perhaps then, you find yourself one day – like our friends up there. You begin thinking judgmental thoughts along those derisive lines… follow this format, ask yourself these questions:

  1. Why does it bother me?
  2. Are my expectations realistic?
  3. How does what they are doing affect me?
  4. Do I have any similar “annoying” traits?
  5. In the end, does it matter? Really?

These questions should lead you to understand the core issues that are your part of the equation. (After all, communication requires both speakers AND listeners…)

If they aren’t talking, maybe it’s because they can’t get a word in edgewise?

These questions should lead you to understand that we are not all infallible. (The true human condition? We are ultimately frail, emotional creatures…)

Maybe they aren’t talking because of the way I’m acting?

Maybe it is them… or maybe… it’s BOTH of you? (Or, *gasp* just you?)

Here’s my humble opinion, based on my own experience:

I exist in an awkward vessel.

I, personally, have never been comfortable in the shell provided me.

I suppose, as I have grown older, I have learned to appreciate my ‘nature’… the knowledge, and feeling, that there is something else. It’s given me an edge, and a focus, but at times has been a weakness… I’m here, but not. I am a human being first and foremost, but am also a woman, wife, mother, friend, sister, etc. I am all of those things… yet, none of them. It’s an extremely difficult, and confusing sense to comprehend.

Writing, for me, is how I have learned to think, to process, this existence. To make sense of it. The incongruity of it all. The constant judging and intention expressed by others. The oxymoron that is the human psyche. We never, ever, say what’s on our minds, really… it’s a constant filtering system. And, if you’re like me, you can see the conflict, the disgust, the understatement, or even the kindness leading the charge.

As observant as I am…

Talking is not easy for me…

As I suspect is true for many bloggers.

As an ‘introvert’, per societal standards, the thoughts in my head cannot fit into the miniscule and time-sensitive constraints of verbal speech.

Have you ever tried to actually converse with an extrovert? *exhausting*

If you could read my mind, you would probably want to run screaming… far, far, away.

A flowchart from Canary in the Coalmine, the book… and thus a visual representation of my thought processes… (from the before-times).

The sheer madness. The incongruity, the indecision, the continual evaluations, measurements. The lengthy pros and cons lists… and the virtual to-do questions and statements. It’s like a really long, multi-level, chess game… and the pieces change on a whim. But, really?

Ultimately… guess what…

We are ALL awkward vessels.

Stumbling around in a world that seems hell-bent on turning us into something other than ourselves… ignoring our true nature.

In desperation, we grasp at the ‘choices’ laid before us. We’re told the choices are infinite. But, the reality is, nothing is infinite or finite, depending on where we fall on the fear-hope spectrum.

This is what the eggheads call (and marketing gurus) the “illusion of choice”.

Thus, we say we ‘find’ ourselves via our gender, sexual preferences, skills, abilities, temperaments, religious beliefs… But, really?

Life is ultimately a fatal endeavor.

So when someone says something judgmental about you? Take heart, be calm… it tells you more about the speaker, than about you.