I’ve been expecting this nudge for some time…

I just was not expecting it to say, “three years”.

Um.

Hellooo…

I was GONE for said 2.4 years there.

Although the previous photography blog attempt was, well, interesting, my thoughts were too lengthy for a pictures only blogs. Plus, I just don’t take great pictures… except by accident.

So…

That blog fizzled.

Now…?

Here I sit. Wondering, waiting, and asking myself, “What is the point?”

I love movies.

Unless you haven’t been paying attention.

Movies are our thoughts. Our conscience.

Our collective-unconscious comprehension of the world…

Realized.

And oftentimes… they speak VOLUMES about our values. Our ideals. What we place importance in…

Whether it’s the “when will the Americans wake up and send us the code to help us take down the alien horde” to “do we deserve to be saved?”

What was I saying?

I had a point… and lost it.

As mentioned yesterday in Thoughtful Thursday, I consider questioning reality to be a necessary practice in our cattle-minded-media-image-inundated society. When we are continually told and sold versions of reality.

But it is a practice. Not an exercise. It is a way to separate the self from the setting. To allow objectivity and logic to lead over emotion and dogma.

Even though.. the practice will ultimately be turned into an exercise. And objectivity reduced to objective dogma. Logic tied to emotional cause and effect and thus actions and reactions justified…

Because…

The reality is…

We… seem to tend towards… in Nietzsche-esk fashion… attempting to control our destiny.

We exist, therefore, we will, an existence… in an ever-flowing, ever-looping…

False-cause argument.

Begging the question.

Asking the inane, incomprehensible…

DO WE EXIST?

Well, of course we do, you dipshit.

Otherwise…?

This is an imaginary conversation.

And now… I’m left to decide what the next step is… By indecision alone… Inertia rules that classes will begin again soon for me… thus my free-time will be lessened.

My patience will again be tested.

I’m not a happy student. I’m an intense student. (And writer.)

I cannot seem to learn to slip from writing or studying mode to “Oh what a lovely day! How are you doing?” very easily…

Studying, research, writing… turns me into a dragon hoarding treasure…

Hours slip past… things left undone, and unsaid. If I go to get a glass of water or snack, I’m like a ghost – my far away gaze signaling to all around… “don’t speak… she won’t hear you anyway…”

What to do.

What to do?